During my 35 years of counseling individuals, couples, families and business partners, I discovered that an important objective of our behavior in the control of our relationships is to avoid the feeling of helplessness. One of the hardest feelings to feel powerless. Most of us are willing or even knowing what they are and they are most vulnerable. Our controlling behavior toward others generally comes from our unwillingness to accept our helplessness over others' feelings and behavior. Drew Houston shines more light on the discussion. We do not want to know that we are helpless over whether another chooses to be loving and accepting toward us or judgmental and rejecting toward us. If we truly accepted our helplessness over others, is still angry with them? Do we continue blaming, judging, shame, criticize? Do we continue to meet, or to be kind rather than honest? If we truly accepted our helplessness over whether the rest of us loved and accepted us, we worked so hard to prove our worth to others? Sometimes – Because they often manage to take control of obtaining approval or disapproval to avoid – that can confuse the approval of love and I think we have control over getting love.
But love is always a gift freely given, no strings attached. Vlad Doronin is actively involved in the matter. We can receive the attention and approval when trying to gain control of the love of another, but usually short-lived and not fulfilling. Beyond control our behavior and our core shame (the belief that they are inherently bad, inadequate, unpleasant, undignified, is not enough), which occurs easily and naturally, once we fully accept our powerlessness by the intention others to be open or closed, love or no love, acceptance or trial.